Day 5: This time it’s not just the voices in my head

By fabulista | Published: October 21, 2009

Oh Em Gee. Did you know that your computer can talk? Well, not on its own. At least, I don’t think it can talk on its own. Oh crap, I hope it can’t talk on its own! Because from what I know of computers that can talk on their own and have minds of their own, they are bent on our destruction, which is not what I’m looking for in my PC. HAL, that mean Sigourney Weaver computer in “Wall-E”, the Kevin Spacey one in “Moon”, which I haven’t seen but I’m thinking if Kevin Spacey is living in your computer, you are about to be mentally destroyed because the man is an evil genius… Oh, except for Rosie on the Jetsons. She wasn’t mean and she did all of the cleaning up, an excellent trait in a computer. Except, I just realized she was a robot. Okay. So if your computer starts saying things to you that you didn’t program it to say, run. Well, first take it to nice people at the Mac store and see if you can trade it in for a different model and if they say “no”, then run.

Dear me, where was I? Yes. Did you know that you can make your computer talk? And did you know that NFL games are infinitely more interesting when accompanied by computer-generated commentary?

“Do these brown pants make my butt look fat?”

“I just made me a touchdown. San Diego, tonight, you are on KP duty.”

“I would just like to say boo-ya, in your face. That was an early Halloween joke.”

Updated: So in rereading my commentary I just realized they sound so very, very lame when not done in a computer-generated voice. I apologize.

Updated 2: I was just informed that they are also lame when done in a computer-generated voice.

Updated 3: I was also just informed that there was an entire “Office” episode dedicated to this so there is absolutely NO POINT to this post so please stop reading immediately.

Updated 4: LB’s computer won’t stop saying “boobs”, which I’m going to go ahead and blame on a computer hostage takeover so if I’m dead tomorrow you know why.

Updated 5: Just been informed that “boobs” was also used on the “Office” so LB’s computer can’t even come up with an original idea and all I can say is THANK GOD IT’S 5:00 AND QUITTING TIME.

Posted in Divine Ridiculousness, Lovah Boy, The Fun Project | Tagged computers, football, fun project, make your computer talk, NFL, robots | Leave a comment

Days 3 & 4: Excuse me, but the point of all this is not to “learn” things

By fabulista | Published: October 20, 2009

Now that I’m a dancer and understand the pain that goes into preparing for a performance (yes, I am still hurting from Step, which was not helped by the lifting class I went to today that had me shaking all day long. Seriously. All day, I was twitching. Which you’d think would mean my muscles would be absolutely bulging right now with all the growing they did today, but instead they are just sore. So sore, in fact, I had to get off the phone with my sister because my phone was too heavy.) I thought I’d support my fellow dancers at The Trolley Dances, this ingenious project where dance troupes perform at different points along the light rail line. Very cool, right?

I went along by myself (LB was sick and honestly, I just didn’t have it in me to spend all day describing to LB the very real pain the dancers would feel after their performances. When they would be unable to lift their phones.) and ended up watching a Mexican dance and then a very abstract dance which featured a lot of dancing with suitcases, all of which was topped off by a dancing man-bird. I’m not sure how else to describe it. Basically, while we walked to the train stop, a guy dressed like a bird performed leaps and spins, culminating in a telephone pole dance that almost took out an unsuspecting lady who happened to be walking by. It looked like a whole lotta fun.

The idea was we’d then get on the train and head off to the next stop, which featured synchronized swimming (what a day, right?). So, I got on the train and sat down with an open seat next to me. And sat there for about five minutes waiting for everyone to board the train (still with the open seat by me) while all the other passengers around me talked and laughed with their friends. And I started to feel like I was back in 8th grade. And 8th grade really, really sucked. Except for Chad Kellogg, who was really cute and had great (albeit heavily gelled) hair. So, I got off the train.

And then, because I’m not 12 and solely concerned with whether or not my hair wings have fallen, I spent the next hour walking around the city, berating myself for not making more of an effort while wondering if maybe I’m not that much fun anymore and maybe this shows I don’t actually know how to “be myself”anymore and maybe, just maybe, if I’d smiled a bit more, or looked more friendly, or, I don’t know, pulled out my Step routine, or something, I’d still be there, laughing away, with my trolley-full of admirers.

You can see where this was going. I arrived back home thoroughly despondent and delivered LB the bad news – he actually had married a social outcast; my days of Friendly Kara were behind me; all he had to look forward to were long days of nothing fun, ever again. And you know what he said? “Sounds like you weren’t having that good of a time; probably a good thing you left.” Wasn’t having a good time. Probably good I left. Damn.

And THAT is why I married this man.

PS – I have to say something very brief about Saturday’s Fun Project, which was lying in bed, reading (aka. Best Morning Ever). I finished up “Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie”, an absolutely delightful book. It reminds me a bit of the “No. 1 Ladies’ Detective” series in that you just can’t get enough of the main character, Flavia. Such a fun read for these chilly fall days.

Posted in Events & Activities, Fab Gal in the City, Lovah Boy, San Francisco Activities, The Fun Project, Woe is me | Tagged dance trolley, San Francisco, step classes, Sweetness at the bottom of the pie, The Fun Project | 2 Comments

Day 2: Wherein I make a fool of myself for the 823rd time in my life

By fabulista | Published: October 17, 2009

One of the reasons I wanted to start The Fun Project was to incorporate fun into the daily fabric of my life, as it were; so that rather than reserving fun for weekends, holidays, or when all of my projects are finally finished, it can start showing up in my everyday choices. So, for example, when faced with either 1.) spending all day dreading going on a run only to guilt myself, hours later, into dragging myself out the door or 2.) looking forward to going to a class at our local gym, I might choose (gasp!) the less painful option.

With this in mind, I went to my first Step class, something I’ve always wanted to do but was too scared to try because, well, frankly, I lack basic skills in the coordination department. I am the gal who broke her ankle after falling off of a sidewalk. You know the flat bit of concrete generally considered safe for babies, wheelchairs and runners? Not. So. Much.

No matter. I decided Step sounded a lot more fun than pounding the treacherous curbs and sidewalks of San Francisco and that regardless of how many times I tripped over my step (no pun intended) I would keep smiling and concentrate on having a good time.

And, holy cow, was it FABULOUS. A million times better than running any day. There was so much to take in I hardly had time to concentrate on the moves, evidenced by the fact that the only move I actually mastered was the “Funky Repeater,” essentially, a knee bend. In fact, I was so entertained I completely forgot I was working out (remedied today by my inability to extend my calf muscles at all, which means I either have to walk on my tip-toes or hunched over with my knees bent, a source of endless amusement for a certain someone who keeps asking me to fetch things), something that has never happened before.

Not only were there mambo steps and cha-cha-chas and a “Superstar Pivot”, which was all about who could bring the best Supermodel pose (in my mind), but our instructor sang the moves in time to the music. Which is hard. I know because last night before my Class Reenactment Performance, I practiced forever in the bathroom and still couldn’t get it down. There’s something about counting while changing octaves and staying on beat that was just too much for my brain to process. He was good, people. Really, really good.

Also good? My neighbor’s dance moves. He did not miss a beat, kept his toes pointed and even got our instructor back on track when he lost his place, all while shouting out things like “It’s a Step Emergency!” and “Love it! Move it! Do it!” I wanted to fold him up and put him in my pocket to pull out for times when it’s boring around the house.

As for my performance? Awful. A lot of the time I was so lost I just stood on the step, watching everyone else. The rest of the time, I looked like an octogenarian who’d had a few too many wine coolers. I’m totally going back.

Posted in Adventures & Challenges, Lovah Boy, The Fun Project | Tagged falling off the sidewalk, fun project, running, step classes | 2 Comments

Day 1 of the Fun Project: It almost crashes and burns

By fabulista | Published: October 17, 2009

Last night I finished work and looked at the piles of paper I need to go through, the laundry that needs to be washed and all of things that need to happen before we move (again) in two weeks and, dear readers, I almost fell for it. I almost succumbed to the evil to dos mocking me from the corners of our apartment (you’d be surprised how many corners this little apartment has) and I almost chucked the whole project. But then I remembered all of you – anxiously reloading your RSS readers, desperately waiting to hear how Day 1 went (did I mention I was a Drama major?) and I knew I had to get out there.

So, I went out and did something that I’ve wanted to do for the last month and haven’t made the time for – I went out for pizza. Okay, so it’s not the skydiving or learning to pole dance you had perhaps anticipated (I have a whole year here, folks) but it was fantastic. Now, pizza probably doesn’t seem like such a big deal but, around here, it is. In February, I had to go gluten-free so cakes, cookies, cereal and pizza are off-limits, which you’d think would be a big deal but, since I feel so much better, is not.

But there are two things I miss. Desperately. The first one: Count Chocula cereal. I actually teared up (teared up!) in Target the other day when I realized this Halloween I can’t eat it. And, unfortunately for me and the Target clerk who shared my very uncomfortable moment, I’m not exaggerating. The other one: pizza. Mainly, because most gluten-free pizza is made from cardboard.

You can imagine our excitement then when we found this awesome place here in San Fran, Amici’s that has gluten-free pizza that actually tastes like real pizza. Well, I think it does. LB nodded and called it “very real-ish” with that look he gives me when he’s “humoring” me and then didn’t take me up on my very generous offer to share my pizza, an act which you have to admit pretty much makes me a shoo-in for The Best Wife Ever Award since we only go for pizza once every two months, at the most, and I think about that pizza all of the time, yet I was still willing to offer my husband some. Off of my plate. God, I’m going to be such a fantastic mother.

So, I went out on the town and treated myself to pizza. And guess what? When I got home, all of those to dos were still waiting for me. Imagine that.

Posted in Decadence, Gluten-Free, San Francisco Food, The Fun Project, Things To Do & Eat | Tagged Amicis, fun project, gluten free pizza, gluten-free, pizza, to do list | 1 Comment

She was all “Bibbidi Bobbidi Boo”

By fabulista | Published: October 16, 2009

I feel like my face is going to fall off this morning I’m smiling so much. Seriously. This was such a good morning that I actually had a full conversation with LB BEFORE my coffee. Like with words and everything.

Why all the excitement? Well, today I’m featured over on Little Bit Funky’s blog! Woo hoo! She is running a giveaway for one of my posters, which means you should all head over there and enter to win because you could be the proud owner of a new poster. For free. I’ll even pay for shipping and everything. Which kind of makes me your fairy godmother, spreading good will and brightening up your day and all that, and, fine, you can call me Oprah all day if you really want.

And while you’re there make sure to poke around. Her blog is full of recipes (love these cake pops) and tutorials (check out these adorable reverse applique shirts) and all of the cute stuff she makes and sells (someone very special will be getting one of these adorable tees; they haven’t actually been born yet but, man, will they be psyched when they see the cute wardrobe waiting for them).

Now I have to go and get some coffee and massage my cheeks (the face ones you dirty birds).

Posted in Gift Ideas, How Fabulous Designs, You're Going to Want This | Tagged cake pops, fairy godmother, giveaway, Little Bit Funky, onesies, poster giveaway | 4 Comments

All Categories | Archives
Why yes, I am just as clever when writing for other people!

Need proof? Check out my portfolio at Kara the Copy Gal where I'm currently saving sanity, one writing project at a time.