(I’ll give your eyes a moment to recover.)

After that debacle I purged my closet and had what I thought was a lean, fashion-friendly closet.  So, imagine my surprise when my sisters come over to help pack up my closet and we found these treasures….

1.  Jacket bought (at considerable expense) to jump-start my career as a “working woman.”  I remember standing in the boutique (in Canada, no less!) agonizing over whether to buy this or a black shirt dress. Fortunately, I chose timeless. I always do.  (Sidenote: Molly is brushing her bangs with a comb found in the pocket.  Used to keep it on hand in case, I don’t know, I needed to tease my perm?)

2.  This was my first “vintage” piece (I believe it was circa 1993, bought it in 2001).  When paired with a moderately flared, slightly distressed jean skirt, it says, “I am short-waisted,” like few things can.

3.  This was one of my first purchases from Anthropologie and, I have to admit, the only thing I’ve ever bought from there that I’ve never worn.  See, parts of my brain still work.

Because I was moving everything myself (LB was already in San Fran) I told LB that we needed to weed out his closet and get rid of everything he hasn’t worn in the past 10 years. (Soooo mean!) Typically he lets me in there once a year and after a whole lot of moaning and groaning concedes one t-shirt that has so many holes in it it looks like an old-school football jersey. (Remember those?  Even I could see mesh was a look that wasn’t going to stick around.) After about an hour, it was not going well.  We’d thrown away one tattered T-shirt and had a pile waist-deep of things he wanted to “think about,” when I stumbled upon my saving grace – the Halloween box.  Turns out “hobo clown” is easier to swallow than “out-of-date.”

Molly and Jill wasted no time in putting together a “Greatest Hits of LB’s Closet.”  Okay, so Jill doesn’t look good in everything.

So that was so much fun I’m thinking we’re going to have to do more of it.  Because I have A LOT of ridiculous pieces of clothing.  Many that I still wear in a way that is undoubtedly funky and creative, just like that pea green jacket.

So, you can see the state I was in, standing in the make-up section at Target.  Do I go with a tried and not-too-bad brand that works for the first week?  Or do I buy into yet another glossy promise and steel myself against disappointment?  When suddenly a young woman breezed by, pulled the new Cover Girl LashBlast off the shelf and told her friend that it was “the best mascara she had ever used.”

I stood there, motionless, thinking, “Either I have entered into an alternate reality where dreams really do come true or Cover Girl has some serious in-store stealth marketing.”  Most of me thought I was probably being tricked into purchasing another wand of disappointment.  But, there was something else there too.  Something small, that had been pushed down for too long.  Hope.

So, dear readers, I took a chance.  Took a chance that maybe, just maybe, I could have long, dark lashes without all that nasty clumping.  Took a chance that I could feel easy, breezy and beautiful with Cover Girl.

And…it actually works.  Wait, let me repeat that in case you momentarily fell asleep.  IT ACTUALLY WORKS.  I swear. My eyes look wider; my lashes look long, yet natural.  There is zero clumping and it swipes on easily, just as the package promises.  My boyfriend even said how pretty I looked (although then he asked if I had needed to fix my contacts – something to do with excessive eyelash fluttering…).  I’ve been using it for over a month now and it hasn’t started to build up like so many of the other brands.

Because I am not one to keep a secret to myself, I’ve been forcing all my nearest and dearest to try it and guess what?  They love it too! My best friend even went so far as to say that she really only bought it to shut me up; but now, she is very, very glad she did.  If that’s not a ringing endorsement, I don’t know what is.

Have I put to rest my mascara fears?  Temporarily.  Am I a one-mascara gal? Tentatively.  For the moment, I will believe that my mascara can fulfill the promise set forth by LashBlast.  For the moment, I’ll keep on swiping.

Psychopaths aside, this little stain remover is my new Annie-Sullivan-in-a-bottle. I have a bad habit of dumping perfectly good iced Americano down my front every time I wear a white shirt. It doesn’t matter if it’s a jogging T, cute ruffle-y number, tank top – if it’s white, it has a huge coffee stain on it. Thank the mighty gods above that some smart person took pity on the inept drinkers of the world and came up with this coffee stain remover that actually works.

And it works even if you’ve already washed your shirt. Twice. And then dried it. And then wore it out pretending you “just now noticed” that there was a huge stain on the front. And then didn’t even feel guilty because you really needed a white shirt to match your favorite flowered skirt.