So here’s the deal.  Mother’s Cookies has gone out of business – you know the company that makes those delicious iced oatmeal cookies and the variety bags, and most importantly, circus animal cookies.  I’m sure you’re thinking, “Big whoop, who eats those cookies anyways?”  I’ll let you take a wild guess.

So, I have been a wee bit frantic.  Or crazy.  Take your pick.  My sister, Jessica, found out that King Soopers bought all of Mother’s stock so I have been running around like a mad woman to all their stores and buying them out.

Now before you judge too harshly, let me explain.  I LOVE circus animal cookies. Every Christmas my mom gives me a bag of them (we are CrAzY at the Kull household) and I parcel them out for the next month so that they don’t go too quickly (and I get too, too fat).  They are this delicate balance of sugar with a tad bit more sugar with little colorful drops of sugar.  Heaven.

And now this is it.  For the rest of my life, I will only get to eat as many circus animals as I can accumulate in the next month or so.  So if I’m 100 years old and sitting there, thinking about circus animals, I’d better hope that I planned ahead.  Hence, the daily trips to King Soopers around the state. (Slight aside:  It’s so bad that I actually pondered whether or not I should post this because of fear of competition for the last, remaining bags.)

But, surprisingly, all of this isn’t the real problem.  The real problem is that I can’t stop eating them and they are turning me into an elephant (mmm…elephants…coated in pink and white sugar and sprinkles…I’ll be right back…)  I haven’t had them around for a reason – because I have no self-control around them.  So now I’m stuck in this vicious cycle where I eat them and then panic because I’ve reduced my stock so I need to go and buy more and then I have more around and…

a small sampling...

The best Christmas present you could give me this year, dear reader, is a grocery shelf free from circus animals.  Or a cookie manufacturer that is willing to add them to their rotation. Or a crate full of bags of them that I can roll around in.  Either or.

Speaking of presents, watch out!  All next week, I’ll be posting “Fabulous Gift Ideas That Will Make Them Love You Even More” or basically, gift ideas.

And then this character pops up.  What is it with these people?!?!  Who has time to make a new piece of art every single, friggin’ day?  I barely have time to make freshly squeezed grapefruit juice, much less come up with a new poster every day.

So now that plan is all shot.  I’m going to actually have to come up with something to talk about.  Thanks, Christopher Ryan David, thanks.

PS.  When I was perusing the site I thought January 23rd said “We are all part nudist” and my brain said, “Isn’t that clever?”  I have real issues…or perhaps, a new greeting card?

PPS.  If you are having a baby anytime soon, don’t look at December 2nd because I’m probably going to give that to you.

PPPS.  If you want to send me a present, January 1st is my favorite.  Just saying.

Yes, little ole me has figured out how to end wars worldwide, bring disgruntled party leaders together, and unite the disenfranchised with the, well, franchised.

Ahem.  From here on out, every important meeting, negotiation, merger and, heck, first date should be required to drink from these mustache glasses by Bread and Badger.

Because if they don’t lighten the situation and remind us that we’re all human then, frankly my dear, nothing will.

via Suburban Bliss

Psychopaths aside, this little stain remover is my new Annie-Sullivan-in-a-bottle. I have a bad habit of dumping perfectly good iced Americano down my front every time I wear a white shirt. It doesn’t matter if it’s a jogging T, cute ruffle-y number, tank top – if it’s white, it has a huge coffee stain on it. Thank the mighty gods above that some smart person took pity on the inept drinkers of the world and came up with this coffee stain remover that actually works.

And it works even if you’ve already washed your shirt. Twice. And then dried it. And then wore it out pretending you “just now noticed” that there was a huge stain on the front. And then didn’t even feel guilty because you really needed a white shirt to match your favorite flowered skirt.