I went along by myself (LB was sick and honestly, I just didn’t have it in me to spend all day describing to LB the very real pain the dancers would feel after their performances. When they would be unable to lift their phones.) and ended up watching a Mexican dance and then a very abstract dance which featured a lot of dancing with suitcases, all of which was topped off by a dancing man-bird. I’m not sure how else to describe it. Basically, while we walked to the train stop, a guy dressed like a bird performed leaps and spins, culminating in a telephone pole dance that almost took out an unsuspecting lady who happened to be walking by. It looked like a whole lotta fun.

The idea was we’d then get on the train and head off to the next stop, which featured synchronized swimming (what a day, right?). So, I got on the train and sat down with an open seat next to me. And sat there for about five minutes waiting for everyone to board the train (still with the open seat by me) while all the other passengers around me talked and laughed with their friends. And I started to feel like I was back in 8th grade. And 8th grade really, really sucked. Except for Chad Kellogg, who was really cute and had great (albeit heavily gelled) hair. So, I got off the train.

And then, because I’m not 12 and solely concerned with whether or not my hair wings have fallen, I spent the next hour walking around the city, berating myself for not making more of an effort while wondering if maybe I’m not that much fun anymore and maybe this shows I don’t actually know how to “be myself”anymore and maybe, just maybe, if I’d smiled a bit more, or looked more friendly, or, I don’t know, pulled out my Step routine, or something, I’d still be there, laughing away, with my trolley-full of admirers.

You can see where this was going. I arrived back home thoroughly despondent and delivered LB the bad news – he actually had married a social outcast; my days of Friendly Kara were behind me; all he had to look forward to were long days of nothing fun, ever again. And you know what he said?  “Sounds like you weren’t having that good of a time; probably a good thing you left.” Wasn’t having a good time. Probably good I left. Damn.

And THAT is why I married this man.

PS – I have to say something very brief about Saturday’s Fun Project, which was lying in bed, reading (aka. Best Morning Ever). I finished up “Sweetness at the Bottom of the Pie”, an absolutely delightful book. It reminds me a bit of the “No. 1 Ladies’ Detective” series in that you just can’t get enough of the main character, Flavia. Such a fun read for these chilly fall days.

For the past two years I have needed a new website.  My old one sort of worked and you could kind of buy cards (excellent for a shopping site, wouldn’t you say?) but it was always breaking and not loading and basically prevented me from selling my cards with any kind of regularity.  So, I hired this AWESOME web guy, whom I absolutely adore, who emails me back and everything (I know! Imagine that!) and he has the template up so – in theory – my site should be just about done.  Except that right now I’m averaging one card upload a week. At this rate by the time it’s done, my cards will be collector items because paper won’t exist anymore.

And dumbest part about all of this?  This is the first time I’ve ever had the space to dedicate time to my writing and cards.  In the past, I’ve been working a fairly full-time freelance copywriting schedule and tried to shove my cards and writing in around it.  But, with the move out here (and LB’s support – the guy really does rock), we decided it’s time to get it all up and running.  And then I stopped doing…anything. What the hell?!?

I know there is this (smaller now) part of me that believes that work = hard, not fun and lots of crying.  That the place where I’m most comfortable with work is when I have panic in my stomach and tension in my shoulders.  But a growing part of me understands that THIS IS WRONG.  That if I can just (finally, Kara, finally) put my cards and writing and creative ideas out there and let go and have fun, it will all work out in the same way so many other things (love life, weight, friends, family) did once I gave up worrying and started enjoying.  It’s like there is a big neon sign flashing “Hey lady!  Remember these hard-won lessons? You don’t have to relive them AGAIN!” and I can’t see it because I’m looking around for the exit to CrazyTown (actually, that would be a really huge neon sign and I have to say there is a pretty good chance I would notice it but you get the idea).

But I’m changing that – I uploaded cards today.  And tomorrow I’m going to write descriptions for them. And the day after that maybe I’ll make up some new ones and…well, you get the idea – you probably don’t need my full to-do list.  It’s a very small step down what feels like the right road.