I used to know this uber-cool girl that worked at our local coffee shop and one day she started showing up in outfits that, even for her, were a bit over-the-top. When I asked her about it, she told me she was wearing everything in her closet once to determine if she really liked it or not. At the time, I had a four enormous closets (rather than giving people a tour of my house, I would give them a tour of my closets), so I while I thought it was a fun idea, I didn’t have any real use for it.
Fast-forward a couple of years and after moving into The Den of Love with my betrothed, I only have one closet. It’s a jam-packed affair that I attempt to clean on a regular basis but still tends toward overflowing. So, I decided to try out my coffee shop friend’s experiment and wear some of the little-seen treasures that have been shoved in the back.
Day One:
I head down to get my haircut at the very trendy, very fashionable Parlour. I leave the house wearing a Betsey Johnson circus-tent mini-skirt and sleeveless tank top, feeling funky and hip. I return home feeling outdated and ridiculous. Maybe it’s time to let them go.
Day Two:
I put on a long-forgotten t-shirt that features ballet slippers and gathered ribbon sleeves with a fitted white skirt. The lady ahead of me in line at the mall keeps looking over her shoulder to check out my outfit. “Why yes, I can be youthful and cheeky while still turning heads,” I think.
Later, after my sister tells me I look like a confused high schooler with a too-short shirt and sleeves from the 90s, I wonder if maybe the woman was trying to telepathically tell me to go home and change.
Day Three:
I’m starting to wonder if this experiment is best left to baristas with closets full of Buffalo Exchange cast-offs. I decide to give it one more try. I pair a slightly sheen blouse from a long-ago trip to Paris with an Urban Outfitters skirt from college. And I feel dumb. I don’t have to leave the house to realize I look like I need a good closet cleaning.
I call my youngest sister.
Day Four
Jill, who is young and hip and the only person I’ve ever met in real life who looks good in leggings, comes over and tears apart my closet. Shirt with bedazzled butterfly (but I bought it in Paris!) – gone. Jeans from college that I swear I will one day fit into – gone. Too tight t-shirt with sparkly parrot – gone!
Jill is harsh. Jill is tough. Jill hurt my feelings a teeny bit. But Jill also gives me a brand spankin’ new closet where I can see what I have and don’t have to horrify the modern world with clothes that were funky last millennium.
What did I learn from my little experiment? Maybe it’s not in my best interest to have multiple closets. Maybe I shouldn’t wear clothes that I bought a decade ago. Maybe it’s okay to ask for help. Because I’m happy to say, I will now actually be wearing everything I have in my closet, more than once, and I ask you my little peanut nuggets, how fab is that?
One Comment
Please keep Jill outta my closet. If she got rid of everything over a decade old, I’d be left with 14 pairs of sneakers, some red clogs and a jog bra. Oh, and the damned babydoll tops.